It seems that everything I see brings forth a kind of disgust inside of me. Every empty smile I see on the street and every blade of grass in a field make me choke with spite. It seems that every place the light hits pains me to the very core.
Sometimes I wish the world was dark or that I was blind so I would not have to see the leaves in the wind or the birds in the sky. I wish I didn't have to see those joyous things because they remind me of the hurt I feel inside.
I wish I could see these things and smile, however, seeing children playing or couples romancing drops me to my knees and makes me want to weep like a child. The want for my childhood returned to me and the reminder of the pain love has brought can be a large load for a weakened soul to bear.
In every place and in every face I see some hidden torment from my past. Every face that grins at me seems to be an evil grin and every pair of eyes that looks my way seems to hold some deadly secret that could shake me to my very core.
Sometimes, I wish I was blind so much I want to gouge out my eyes so never to see the light of day again. I want my whole world to be black so what I see will mirror what is held in the deepest parts of my soul.
Alas, every grain of sand and every speckle of dust in the wind will hurt me more as it mirrors my past instead of myself. There is no hope for escape when everything I see appears to be a thorn from days and years gone by.
